Aging is a Gift / My 28th Birthday

Yesterday was my 28th birthday. I am not completely sure why this year feels slightly different than the previous few. It probably has something to do with the fact that we’ve been visited by Covid-19 and all of its friends (or more appropriately, foes). Or maybe because I am solidly a few years into having a fully matured brain, and it just feels...different. Science can’t say for sure, but it seems like my brain has been working on some fine-tuning this past year. Covid-19 and all that it has brought and changed has definitely contributed, but I have really felt a shift in mindset this year. Did the pandemic help to shed light on parts of my life that I’d been hiding from? Possibly, but I really believe my mind and mindset have been brought into full bloom and it’s sort of rocked my world, in mostly good ways. 

What are you talking about, Mary Katherine, you ask? Well, I’m not even entirely sure myself, to be honest. It’s hard to put a feeling into words. I think so much time at home, with my family, time to meditate, pray, ponder, has really been good for me. I have also recognized the huge privilege it is to even be able to say that as well, with all the suffering and hardship the quarantine and pandemic have caused so many. I think realizing the latter has contributed to a great transformation in myself. Wanting to be more compassionate and giving, truly wanting to make a difference, saying it, and meaning it with my actions. 

I’ve been able to look at my spirituality in a completely different way. Taking parts of my faith culture that have never served me or no longer serve me and pushing them to the side, and clinging to other parts more fervently and sacredly and hopefully than ever before. (Alma 32:21-28)  

I’ve also spent an unfortunate amount of time in past years obsessing over my body and weight and appearance, and it is absolutely not to say I don’t still struggle with those thoughts, but something about being a mother for 4.5 years to two very needy (and amazing) boys that has helped me realize how stupid it is to waste time entertaining those negative thoughts. 

On the flip side of that, I have also gained a new appreciation for my body. Yes, I have carried and given birth to two children, an amazing feat in itself, but it’s other struggles I’ve faced that have helped me to see and know how much we take our health for granted when we do have it. Mental health struggles galore, really for my entire life, exacerbated by pregnancy and childbirth have sort of had me tail-spinning for the past five years. Ironically though, my fully developed prefrontal cortex and brain maturity have really helped me to tackle it from a different perspective and mindset. (Is my brain experiencing a civil war? LOL, it kind of makes sense when it’s put that way.) I won’t delve much more into that, it’s a post planned for another day, but I’ll just say, for the most part, I feel a literal weight lifted from me that has my feet pointed in the right direction. 

With my renewed appreciation for my body I have felt an increased desire to care for it better. To focus on health, not specifically weight loss and appearance, but to focus on myself as a whole and allow the fruits of that to show for themselves and not be my sole focus. I do want to lose weight, but I no longer want to allow that to be my drive. I want to eat healthy and exercise, because it actually makes me feel good. No, for real, I have reached the point in adulthood where I would rather eat a salad than fried chicken nuggets, because I literally prefer the taste and the way it makes me feel when I digest it! Thank you, age. 

Is aging a gift? For sure. Thank you, age, for: 

Allowing me the true desire to take better care of myself.

Allowing me to seek out the resources I needed to remind myself that I am a whole person, not “just a mother,” “a wife,” “a woman,” but a person who has so much to give in so many areas of life and society.

Allowing me to address my own traumas, mental health, and spiritual battles with compassion and an introspection I have wanted and desired for so long, but have never been able to find and grasp until now.

Allowing me to love more than I ever have in my life. I thank God everyday for the blessing of my family, a very supportive and loving husband, and two healthy children that make my heart burst with pride daily!

Allowing me to be ok with getting older, actually, not just be ok with it, but to relish it!

In past years I have seen my birthdays as checkpoints, and most of the time seeing those checkpoints as disappointments, knowing I had not yet “checked off” certain items on my self-prescribed timeline of life. Now, at 28, I feel more ready than ever to go forward and tackle the seen and unseen opportunities that have and will be placed in my life. I definitely don’t want to waste my time, but I’m also wise enough now to know that some days, you just have to give yourself grace, and that’s important, too.

So, here’s to getting older.

All photo credits: Claudia Young Creative