Pregnant All Year

Today is my 26th birthday and also marks my being 11 days away from my second child's due date. To be honest, the latter is much more important/relevant to me right now, for obvious reasons, the main one being that I am extremely pregnant, and let's be honest, uncomfortable.  So let's just say the fact that I am nearing 39 weeks pregnant is definitely overshadowing the fact that I have made another trip around the sun. Like, I literally almost forgot about my birthday this year until about a week ago when I was making a comment about my age and remembered I would be changing that number very soon. 

Even though I am (likely) less than 2 weeks away from giving birth to another child, it has yet to sink in. In chatting with my sister and a few other friends I've realized this is pretty normal the second time around, but it's still a weird feeling. I have, with the exception of about 2 weeks, been pregnant ALL of 2018. ALL YEAR. If that doesn't put the length of a pregnancy into perspective for you, then I don't know what will. That totally blows my mind, and now in 2 short weeks, I am going to be bringing home another child, mine and Michael's SECOND child, my son's brother or sister!

I believe that last little tidbit has contributed a bit to the surreal fact that I'm about to be a mother of two. We opted to not find out the gender this time, which I don't regret at all, but it has definitely given me a different perspective about what to expect in receiving another child into my heart. See, with my son we knew, and we wanted to.  I feel like with him being our first I needed to know, I'm an avid planner and organizer, so knowing what to expect helped me prepare, both temporally and mentally for what to expect and welcome into our home. This time, even though it has gone against the nature of my planner-minded-brain, I stuck to my guns to wait, because why not? Life is short and full of very few true surprises. And don't tell me it's a surprise no matter when you find out, because sure, yes it is, but finding out at 20 weeks and then knowing for 20 more before you deliver is a lil' different than delivering, hearing the big "it's a ....!" and then literally getting to hold your baby; it's one experience I want to have at least once in my life. So there's my reason in case you needed an explanation for our insane choice to wait. Plus, I just thought it would add a little spice and anticipation to the second pregnancy, because c'mon, it's a second pregnancy, it's naturally less exciting. Well, I shouldn't say it's less exciting, because we have always been excited about having another child, but less...unfamiliar. The nausea comes and goes with the first trimester, you take the pre-natal vitamins, you go to the appointments week after week, you feel the baby kick, it's nothing new, but the mystery of that child's identity remains, and that has definitely made it different and more exciting!

I was telling Michael a week or so ago that it's hard to even remember that I went through all of this with our two and a half year old son. I mean, I remember being pregnant with him of course, but all the little kicks and squirms of him inside my womb are like a dream. I told him it feels a bit harder this time to feel emotionally ready and connected to the baby, and I realize this is mostly due to the fact that I am already caring for another one of my off-spring on the outside, one that I can physically and emotionally connect with on a day to day basis. My son is familiar to me and this baby is a mystery, but then it dawned on me that I will feel that way again in a couple of years about this pregnancy and baby. I'll be saying the same exact thing I said about Niall's pregnancy, I'll a have another toddler that I can't imagine my life without and it will be an amazing love. While it's hard to feel that connection currently and maybe even for the first few months, I know I will feel it, and knowing that has made me all the more excited to meet our new addition, boy or girl! We can't imagine our life without our Niall, and knowing we will get to feel that way about another child is so so exciting, so bring on the labor! I'm (hopefully) ready!